Your Child’s Strengths Matter—Here’s How to Speak Them Into the IEP

Let me be clear: your child is not a problem to fix. But if you've sat through even one IEP meeting, you know how easy it is to walk out feeling like that’s all anyone sees.

The data. The deficits. The diagnosis.

It can feel like a wall of what's wrong, with no light coming through.

But here's the truth that gets buried under all the testing and paperwork: your child has strengths. Real ones. Not fluff, not empty praise. Actual abilities, interests, traits, and tendencies that matter. And those strengths? They deserve space in the IEP.

Today I want to walk you through exactly how to speak your child’s strengths into the IEP—not just as a feel-good footnote, but as a foundational piece of the plan.

Why Strengths Belong in the IEP (Yes, Legally and Practically)

Under IDEA, the IEP is supposed to be individualized. That means it should be tailored not just to your child's needs, but also to their potential. The law doesn’t say the IEP has to be a deficit report. It says it has to be a roadmap for meaningful progress.

That roadmap starts with what your child can do.

And here's the kicker: when strengths are centered, supports get more creative. Goals get more motivating. Services get more targeted. The whole tone of the team shifts.

Strengths aren’t a soft skill add-on. They’re fuel for growth.

How the IEP System Got So Focused on Deficits

Let me be frank: the system wasn’t built to center your child’s potential. It was built to comply. And compliance loves checkboxes.

That’s why the Present Levels section (PLAAFP or PLOP) often reads like a medical chart. It’s heavy on weaknesses, light on humanity. It's a story of what's not working, written in passive voice.

This is where parents need to step in—not to fight every sentence, but to rewrite the lens.

The Power of Strength-Based Language (and What It Sounds Like)

Let’s take a real example. I worked with a mom whose son, Marcus, was autistic and had an IEP full of "non-compliance" and "difficulty with peer interactions."

But Marcus also had a wicked sense of humor and a knack for remembering facts about animals. He loved routines and had a deep sense of fairness. None of that was in the IEP.

We rewrote his Present Levels to include:

• Marcus has a strong interest in animals and excels at recalling detailed facts.

• He responds well to visual schedules and appreciates predictability in his day.

• Marcus demonstrates loyalty and fairness in peer relationships, especially when given roles or responsibilities.

Suddenly the tone changed. Goals were framed around building on what he already had. Support staff understood him better. He felt seen.

What to Do Before the IEP Meeting

If you want your child’s strengths in the IEP, don’t wait until the meeting to say it. Start early:

1. Make a Strengths List. Jot down anything your child does well—even if it’s not academic. Think hobbies, habits, attitudes, skills, social dynamics, routines.

2. Get Teacher Input. Ask your child’s teacher, "What are three things you notice that [child's name] does well?" Often they’ll have insight you wouldn’t expect.

3. Bring It With You. Show up to the meeting with a short paragraph you’d like included in the Present Levels. Yes, you can submit this in writing and ask it be added to the record.

4. Know Your Rights. IDEA doesn’t require a deficit-only approach. Present Levels must describe how your child functions, not just how they fall short.

What to Say in the IEP Meeting (Scripts That Don’t Feel Scripted)

Let’s say the team is listing challenges, and you want to redirect. Here’s how you might say it:

• "I hear that. And I’d like to balance that picture by sharing some strengths that I think could help us build goals that are motivating for [child’s name]."

• "Can we include that [child’s name] responds well to music and rhythm? That could be really helpful in supporting attention."

• "I’d like to submit this paragraph with strengths we see at home. Can that be included in the Present Levels section?"

Be steady. You’re not asking permission. You’re shaping the narrative.

Using Strengths to Shape IEP Goals

Once you’ve spoken your child’s strengths into the room, use them to drive the goals. Here's how that looks:

If your child is curious but struggles with reading: Create a reading goal built around their favorite topic.

If your child is socially anxious but good with pets: Consider social goals that involve a classroom job with a class pet or plant.

If your child loves helping others: Frame behavioral goals around peer mentoring or leadership roles.

Goals hit differently when they reflect who your child is, not just what they can’t do yet.

When the Team Pushes Back or Doesn’t "Get It"

Sometimes teams push back with "but we have to be realistic" or "that’s not measurable."

Here’s the comeback:

• "I agree that goals should be measurable. I’m suggesting we frame them in a way that taps into what motivates [child’s name]. That increases engagement, which helps progress."

• "The law requires the IEP to be individualized. That includes leveraging strengths. This is not extra—it’s essential."

Keep your tone calm, but grounded. You’re not debating; you’re leading.

What Happens When You Start With Strengths

I’ve seen kids light up when they hear their strengths read aloud in the meeting. I’ve seen teachers shift their approach. I’ve seen goals become more meaningful and less cookie-cutter.

But really? I’ve seen parents leave the meeting with more peace. Because when your child’s whole self is on the page—not just the parts they struggle with—you walk out knowing they were seen.

That matters.

Take This Into Your Next IEP

You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to start with what you know:

Your child is more than a diagnosis. More than a set of goals. More than a file.

Their strengths are the secret weapon the system keeps forgetting. Speak them into the IEP. Over and over, if you have to.

Because when you change the story, you change the outcome.

Ready for More?

If this post lit a fire under you, good. You’re not alone in this.

I created a FREE summer learning series just for parents like you—the ones who want to get smarter, stronger, and more confident in the IEP process. It’s bite-sized, bold, and full of real-world tools you can use right away.

Click here to sign up and get it sent straight to your inbox.

And if you’re ready to go deeper—if you want support rewriting the whole IEP story, not just the strengths paragraph—that’s exactly what we do inside The Enlightened IEP.

It’s advocacy with backbone. Strategy with heart.

Learn more about The Enlightened IEP here and find out what’s possible when you stop settling for survival.

Because your child deserves more than a plan. They deserve to be seen.

And you? You deserve to lead the way.